Band-naming conventions have gotten a little out of hand. There was the "wolf" epidemic of 2005 (Wolf Parade, Wolf Eyes) and the short-lived "crystal" wave of 2008 (Crystal Stilts, Crystal Castles), while the "[animal] + [some twee thing]" equation is, to this day, slowly killing me. Bear in Heaven, I am on to you.

It's over, folks. "Weekend" is the new whatever was popular five Google searches ago. With a tip of the hat to McSweeney's (and to MetalSucks), here's what your favorite Weekend band says about your upcoming weekend.

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