I was a 19-year-old asthmatic theater kid standing on a rugby pitch, bruised and tearful, when a coach told me something that changed my life.

Weeks earlier, I had found my way to the women’s rugby club on my college campus and fell in love at my first practice. The adrenaline from taking a hit to the face plus the ambrosia of dirt, grass and sweat flipped a switch in my brain, and I was hooked on rugby. I was also … not an athlete. At all.

I had dropped the ball so many times. I was confused about the rules (You can only pass backward? What?! How was I offsides?), and I couldn’t keep up. I had sprained my ankle. All of that culminated in a crisis of confidence and that fateful conversation with my coach. I approached her, trembling, and asked: “Am I too terrible at this? Should I keep at it? I don’t want to bring down the whole team.”

Then she gave me, a chronic people pleaser, a priceless gift. She said: “Amy, it’s up to you.”

Looking back, it was a defining moment — when I started placing more importance on what I enjoyed and wanted, as opposed to what others expected or thought of me. I felt like I could suddenly move mountains.

Before long, I became a team captain, a club president, a coach. After college, I founded women’s teams in two states and traveled the country playing matches. Those games took me all over the world, and no matter where I went, I found friends in rugby.

Tom Walsh / Courtesy of the Walsh family

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Courtesy of the Walsh family

After 16 years, I stopped playing and started a family, but I remained a supporter and planned to return to the pitch someday. So far, I’ve made it only to the sidelines, cheering on my 11-year-old as she takes up the sport. I don’t know if she’ll fall in love with it like I did, but this week, girls like her got a whole bunch of potential new role models.

The U.S. women’s Olympic rugby team just made history by medaling at the Paris Olympics — and making ruggers’ eyes light up all over America as we enjoy a surge in interest in our sport.

U.S. player Ilona Maher, who has become an ambassador for the sport with a massive social media following, noted the importance of this moment after her team’s electrifying 3rd-place finish against rugby powerhouse Australia:

“We say in rugby a lot that we want to pass the jersey. You’re passing through the jersey — it’s not yours, it’s the next person’s. ... I think today really made the jersey better so that other young girls can grow up wanting to play rugby, wanting to be professionals, wanting to live the life we live where we travel the world and go to the Olympics.”

Watching the team clinch America’s first Olympic medal in rugby sevens*, I thought about what I learned in all my years passing through that jersey. Here are a few of the enduring lessons that have served me in rugby and in life:

1. No matter your shape or size or differences, you’ll find your place. I was 5 feet, 11 inches tall and 200 pounds when I started playing. One of my teammates was 5 feet tall and about 100 pounds. There’s a position for everyone. 

2. You don’t have to be the star player. Just be ready to carry the ball when it comes to you, and when your turn is over, support those who come after you. Make sure they know you’re with them. Being part of a good play can be just as gratifying as being the one to score. 

3. Be respectful even when you disagree — even when the other guy’s a real jerk, even when you’ve lost — and everyone benefits. Breaking the rules or disrespecting the ref or another player can land you in the “sin bin,” and your team will have to play short while you’re in there.

4. Don't get deterred by the obstacles in front of you. Sometimes you have to bash through a defender, and other times it’s better to try to go around them. Being a relatively big person, I mostly bashed. Then I learned to expand my view, see the gaps between my opponents, and give myself many more options forward. I remind myself of this all the time in work and family life: Focusing on the barriers to your goal can make you feel defeated before you even start. Sometimes you just need to find a gap, and run like hell.  

Sometimes, you have to do both. On Tuesday, American Alex Sedrick barreled right over an Australian defender — and then sprinted almost the whole length of the field to victory and into the history books.

*Seven-a-side rugby is different from 15-a-side rugby, which was last in the Olympics in 1924. The U.S. men’s team won gold that year — also in Paris.

Amy Morgan is a senior news editor at NPR. In September, she’ll celebrate the 25th anniversary of the women’s rugby club she co-founded in Augusta, Ga.

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