Entirely Real Photos: Kristen Stewart Is So Totally Thrilled To Be Here

Given my constitutional opposition to women being told to smile and look happy, it takes a lot for me to pick on scowling.

But here's the thing: This is the color of neon, of something Downtown Julie Brown would have worn on New Year's Eve, of brightness and sunshine and IKEA plastic bowls. There are so few good times to wear this color to begin with (and so few women look good in it; I would look like a green vegetable) that the absolute worst thing to accessorize it with is a look that says — and I am quoting directly here from what her brain has telepathically zapped over to me through this photo — "Ugh."

Sure, it's boring to wear black all the time, and it's boring to go with the slumped shoulders and dark eyeliner all the time, but wearing this dress and looking bored is like walking into a room with a birthday cake with all the candles lit and singing "Dig My Grave." It's not bad, but it's a little bit tonally confusing. She has a lot to be happy about, after all — the last Twilight movie (1) is done and (2) made a gulp-inducing $141 million this weekend. Yowza.